Wistful Thinking

I'm not going to lie, I have been a bit of an emotional wreck lately.

A couple of weeks ago I was at dinner with my husband talking about how great it is to be working, how much I enjoy my job, I think I'll always want to work, yada yada yada.

Then the wind blew and I have had a hard time getting through each workday.

I've been feeling so nostalgic about the early days with my kids and longing to go back to my "old" life. The one where I drop them off 2 days a week at mother's day out. The one where I went to the gym 3-4 times a week. The one where we had endless amounts of time to go to the park, play games, watch movies, go on fun outings. And playdates! I miss the playdates.

I'm trying to remember the bad with the good: The many days I woke up and looked at my husband and said, "I don't want to do this today!" The times I called my best friend crying because my kids were on my very last nerve and I couldn't take it anymore. The endless days (especially during summer) of waking up and trying to figure out what on earth we were going to do that day that didn't require spending lots of money. The lack of a second income.

One thing I have realized is that there are some moms who are "made" to be stay-at-home moms. They love it, excel at it, and I'm insanely jealous of them.

Then there are the moms who are "made" to be working moms. They can't imagine staying home, love their career, and seem to make it all work. I'm insanely jealous of them.

And then there's me. I'm somewhere in the middle and I think that is a hard way to be. I constantly feel pulled in one direction or the other. It is exhausting.

I have no idea what the answer is. I'm trying to take it day by day, not thinking too far out. But it is hard. Today I took a personal day so we could go to the fair (Rylan is out of school). It was glorious!

But tomorrow it is back to the grind. Drumming up prospects, trying to close deals that have been on the table for 3-4 months. Paying for daycare with half of my paycheck. And smiling all the while.

How is that for honesty??

Brazen Brazilian

I wasn't sure what to title this post.

Just one thought tonight.

I was getting my hair done and another one of my hairstylist's clients came in and was chatting with us. She is a senior in high school. And she was there to get a Brazilian wax.

This is a cute, popular, All-American, Christian girl. Just waitin' her turn to get it all stripped off. Why? Going to the lakehouse this weekend.

Oh my gosh! Times have really changed. I mean, really. I'm 34 and I can't even imagine subjecting myself to that kind of pain! When I was in high school, way back in the early nineties, I think the furthest lengths we went to was to go tanning and get fake nails. I took it another step and gave myself a truly sun-kissed look by putting Sun-In and lemon juice in my hair. Worked wonders. That's the way it was and we liked it! We loved it! (Sorry, SNL reference.)

I'm not really sure what it says about this generation of girls. As a mother of a precious 3 year old daughter, I do know that I want my baby not to have to grow up too fast, be too sophisticated, too soon. No need to have Carrie Bradshaw grooming habits at age 16 or 17.

Please. I beg you.

Clicking

You know when you have those weeks when things are just clicking?

I had one this week! Hurray!

Why?

1. I am finally, finally starting to feel like I have somewhat of an idea on how to do my job. I am making great progress with some of these hotels and signed a big one this week. I'm establishing some really great relationships with existing customers and potential customers. I'm good at that part. I'm working on getting good at the design part. But I'm getting there!

2. My church is just so awesome - they started a Women in the Workplace ministry. This was my second week to go to the lunchtime Bible study. I just love it. And I cannot tell you what it means to me that my church supports moms like me who work because they want to or have to.

3. I got asked to be on our school district's leadership team for the next 2 years! It turns out that Rylan's soccer coach is also the assistant superintendent, and he asked me if I'd like to be a part of it. I just felt like it was God confirming that we are in the right place...it's all "clicking"!

4. This isn't a clicking thing, just a bonus. Tonight the kids and I watched E.T. They had never seen it before and I hadn't sat and watched it since I was probably a kid. They loved it and so did I. Of course I was really trying to fight back the tears at the end, especially as the music swelled and Elliott told E.T. goodbye...love that movie!

Time to go watch The Soup. It's my Friday night ritual. Because I'm wild like that.

Pinkalicious

It's Saturday night so of course the kids and I partied at Wal-Mart because that's the way we roll over here. Daddy is out of town and we already had our fun at the Dallas Children's Museum this morning with my sister and niece.

We went through the toy aisles and much to my daughter's delight (and mine, I must confess), we discovered they have a whole new line of Pinkalicious toys! Dolls, dress up clothes, Goldie the unicorn...And when I googled it to get a picture I found there are Pinkalicious bikes, ride on toys, tons of stuff.

We have the Pinkalicious and Goldilicious books over here and we read them all the time.

Looks like we have begun our Christmas Wish List!

P.S. - I love having a girl!!!

Hand of Doom

The other day I overheard the kids talking while sitting in my closet. Presley must have hit Rylan or something because he was trying to convince her to apologize to him.

Rylan: Presley, do you want the Hand of Nice or the Hand of Doom?

Presley: Hand of Doon

Rylan: Presley, are you sure you want the Hand of Doom? Just say you're sorry!

Presley: I want the Hand of Doon

Rylan: Are you sure? Just say you're sorry and you can get the Hand of Nice!



Unfortunately they moved on to something else and I never got to find out exactly what the Hand of Doom looked like. But it sounded interesting.



In other news, last night we went to the high school's homecoming parade and the kids got more candy than they do on Halloween. I tried to take a cute picture of them and this is the best I could get:

Needless to say they had a great time.

Just over 3,200 people live in Argyle and after last night I am convinced that 2,900 of them are under the age of 18. Kids everywhere. In a good way. Have I mentioned I love our new town? I just need to find some friends here. I hate being new. At Meet the Teacher night it seemed like everyone knew each other. I wanted to shout out, "Hey! I'm cool! I'm a great friend to have! Come talk to me!"

But that may have made me look like a bit of a loser so I refrained.

Oh, I have to add this regarding Meet the Teacher. The next day I was telling my mom about it and she asked, "Did you you tell her about how smart Rylan is?"

I replied, "Oh yes! I pulled the teacher aside in front of all those other parents and said, 'I just want you to know that my child is a genius!'" Because I'm that mom.

Silly Nana.

The teacher figured that out soon enough. No need to tell her.

She's Alive!

I'm going to start with the obligatory sentence I have seen on many a blog:

I haven't blogged in so long, I don't know where to begin!

What have I been doing since last May, you ask?

1. Figuring out my new identity as full time working mom. Some days it was good, some days it was terrible and I didn't want to get out of bed. I am happy to say that I have finally adjusted and am doing great with this role in life I never anticipated playing.

2. Celebrated my 10 year anniversary to my wonderful husband by going to Destin with just the two of us, which was such a great time! We can't wait to take the kids.

3. Thinking about all the great material I had for this blog but since it was work-related I could not post it. That is one of the downsides to having a blog and working. I feel so censored! But I enjoy having a paycheck so I must repress myself. But I work with some colorful characters...

4. Moved to a small town in the middle of nowhere the week before school started.

Wait, what?

Yes, we did. And I love it. And it's only in the middle of nowhere if you are coming from the big city. It's really only 10-15 minutes from my regular stomping grounds so thankfully my Super Target is still the same. I'm not kidding. I hate change - I really like my Super Target shopping center.

Oh, and we lost 1,000 square feet which has been interesting. We are renting for a couple of years to save money and make sure we really want to settle down here. It's a cute little house with granite countertops and faux hardwoods. When you stand in the living room you can see the whole house. Easy to clean. It feels great to simplify...except for when I pulled out the last box in the garage and realized I literally have NO PLACE for this electric blanket.

5. Rylan started kindergarten (which was the number one reason for our move to this little area - b/c they have incredible schools) and Presley started full-time daycare.

Rylan has a great teacher and I love his school. Our town has one school of each so the entire town is full of school spirit and has a really cool community atmosphere. Everyone goes to the Friday night football game.

Presley's pre-school is in a beautiful privately-owned facility and she learns Bible stories and Bible verses every week. They do Muzzy curriculum for Spanish 3 days a week, music class, and ballet. She has adjusted very well and I feel like it's a place that she "gets" to go rather than "has" to go.

So that's us in a nutshell. I think I'm finally in a place where I can blog again. I was overwhelmed with life for a while and dropped off the radar in many ways, but I think I'm ready to come out again!

Bad Days

I'm seriously having a really crappy past couple of days. And by crappy, I don't mean "serious, real life issues"...(although I kind of have those, too) but just the stupid stuff that that book would say not to sweat.

Thursday: I got pink eye. Pink eye? I'm in my thirties, my kids don't have it, what on earth? So I had to stay home for 24 hours until I was no longer contagious. Fortunately I can work from home and didn't have any appointments.

Friday: I planned to get a pedicure as soon as my 24 hour confinement was up, before I had to get the kids from the sitter's. At 1:30 I get the phone call that Rylan has a fever. No pedi for me.

Husband calls to say he won't be home till 6:30 b/c he's helping his mom get her house ready for some guests (she lives on several acres on a lake so it's a lot of work). Well, 6:30 turned into "coming home in the morning" - which it is now almost 2:00 on Saturday.

Friday 4:15am: Up with sick Rylan, followed by screams of my 2 year old, who both thankfully went right back to sleep.

6:45am: Why is it that on weekdays they sleep till 7:45 but on the one day I can sleep in they are up before 7:00???

But I knew I had a hair appointment at 1:00...it was all I had to hold on to.

So when husband called at 11:30 and said he wouldn't make it in time but his brother could keep them until he got there, didn't panic.

Got in the car at 12:30. Car won't start.

Is this a joke?

Get everyone out of the car, call brother in law who says he can come get us. Then call hair salon to tell them I'll be a few minutes late.

They didn't even have me on the schedule.

Dear God.

Call brother in law, cancel plans. Contemplate consuming large amounts of alcohol but hold off for now.

Call husband and tell him when he gets in the door I am leaving to get a pedicure. The really good kind that takes a while.

And then I'm going to Target. And I'm going to walk up and down every aisle.

And then maybe, just maybe, I'll come home in time for dinner.