Everyone talks about how hard the newborn phase is on a marriage. The sleep deprivation, the divided attention, the way you go from being partners to being co-managers of a tiny human operation.
But nobody talks about what happens next.
My husband and I have been together through two pregnancies, two postpartum seasons, toddler years, big-kid years — and the honest truth is that each phase of parenting has asked something different of our marriage. Some seasons we’ve been completely in sync. Others, we’ve been two ships passing, exhausted and well-intentioned, occasionally misdirecting the stress of parenting at each other.
Here’s what I’ve figured out: the couples who make it through the kid years aren’t the ones who have it easy. They’re the ones who keep choosing to show up for each other, even when it’s inconvenient. Even when date night keeps getting rescheduled. Even when the conversation keeps getting interrupted by someone who needs something.
We’ve learned to communicate in shorthand. We’ve learned that ‘I’m not mad at you, I’m just overwhelmed’ is one of the most useful sentences in a marriage with kids. We’ve learned that a ten-minute conversation on the couch after bedtime counts — it really does.
“The couples who make it aren’t the ones who have it easy. They’re the ones who keep choosing to show up.”
My marriage isn’t perfect. Nobody’s is. But it’s ours — built in the trenches of parenting, shaped by the hard seasons, and stronger for having made it through them.
If you’re in a hard season right now — know that it doesn’t mean something’s wrong with your marriage. It might just mean you’re in the thick of raising humans, and that’s a lot. You’re not failing. You’re in it.
Keep choosing each other. Even when it’s hard. Especially then.
— Christa, Founder of Mommish
